YOUR Top Ten fake headlines during the tour hangover

[sameoldbuttercup]

Here we go...

What are YOUR top ten fake headlines or stories you'd like to see while we wait for the tour to resume? If there won't be any gossip, stories, flag points, or Dietmar photos for the next little while... well... let's make up some of our own

Yay for thread drift! If you want to write a "story" along with your headline, feel free, but be sure to share your sources... this isn't CNN.

Here are mine, to start:

1) Sting Takes Time Off From POLICE Tour to Open "Lute-Mart"

2) Andy Summers Confirms: Elephant in Room NOT Buttercup's Arse

3) Copeland Fan, Phaty, Goes Entire Day Without Swearing

4) EXCLUSIVE: Dietmar and Sabine Expecting - Ultrasound Shows Glasses and Drumsticks

5) POLICE's Stewart Copeland Visits Orangina Plant; Buys Company

NOW YOU...

[policerule]

well. as self-elected president of the floozies, i must vote for #5

as i have already purchased the plant, stewart will need to get in touch with me to iron out the details of any sale.

[TheEqualizer]

3 aint happening unless his jaw is wired shut and his fingers are broken, preventing him from typing profanities.

[empty]

5 Policerule, I can be your mediator and help you two "negotiate" the best deal.

ps if some of that orangina spills during negotiations, I'll get right on that!

[policerule]

[quote="mtobinjones"]5 Policerule, I can be your mediator and help you two "negotiate" the best deal.

ps if some of that orangina spills during negotiations, I'll get right on that![/quote]


i would expect nothing less from a pro like you hon.


stewart, have your peeps talk to my peeps and we'll work this out. i'll give you a sweet deal... on the property.


nice thread buttercup! this is fun! i needed that.

[policerule]

#4 put your ear to her belly and you can hear MIAB being sung

[samburusunset]

"Stewart takes fashion cues from Phaty. Slated to break out Krypton green kilt for upcoming US leg of tour."

[IndyGirl]

[quote="samburusunset"]"Stewart takes fashion cues from Phaty. Slated to break out Krypton green kilt for upcoming US leg of tour."[/quote]

With matching tube socks

[phaty]

[quote="sameoldbuttercup"]

3) Copeland Fan, Phaty, Goes Entire Day Without Swearing[/quote]

On a fucking cold day in hell ... !

[English-lion]

6) Stewart confessed to his forum that his other screen name is phay and that he's been using pictures from a gay magazine


7) News just in the police just signed backup singers to the group they go by the name "floozies with no shame"!!!

Sting wears new t-shirt!!!!

9) Andy Summers gets broken toe!!!!

Andy Summers, nice guy that he is, agreed to take nude pictures of a fan as she taking off her bra her boobs flop down with such force that it brakes Andy's left baby toe! quote english-lion "I told him to move! So what does he do? He moves toward me!

10) Orangina stock keeps on going up

................

[sameoldbuttercup]

Ha! I heart you guys, hard

6) DirtyMartini Awarded Nobel Peace Prize: Copelandia Green Flag Now World-Wide Recognized Symbol, Replaces Smiley Face For Hippies and European Backpackers

7) "Sheet Disturbers": Which POLICE-man is the kinkiest? Answer is in new tell-all book

eight) Johnny Rotten Breaks Hip, Needs Zimmer Frame; Apologizes to POLICE

(edited: Apparently the 8 + bracket makes a cool guy smiley face and didn't really work out too great with the layout here)

[sameoldbuttercup]

OH! And if headlines aren't your thing, maybe try a conspiracy theory.

Like...

"Copeland Named in Bush's Own Plot To Make Himself Look Stupid"
-- George Bush told an unnamed source today that Stewart Copeland, aka the Drummer Who Fucks, was the one who changed his recent speech to read 'childrens'. Evidence was produced in which the President's copy had Copeland's handwriting, accompanied by a heart with an arrow through it. The source admits, "Stewart was very confused, because the President could have changed the speech himself. But he was willing to help in any way he could."

[sameoldbuttercup]

I totally can't sleep tonight.

9) Giovanni and Eugenio, Internet Pioneers: Duo the First to Hire Forum Babysitters to Watch Over Batshit Copeland Fans

[feralkid]

The news just out reveals that in an effort to top the broken rib incident on the last tour, Stewart plunged his fork into Stings throat while he attempted to steal his cold cheese burger. They now have to cancel a couple of gigs while Sting performs throat yoga on his wound

[TheEqualizer]

Two alternatives on similar headlines:

"The Police announce Two Concerts in Lima Peru; Super Fan Jose Spontaneously Combusts Out of Joy"

OR

"The Police Announce Two Concerts in Lima Peru; The Sound of Cheer from Forum Members from SC.net can be Heard from Space in Response to the Announcement"