Tour Countdown II: Europe Strikes Back

[DirtyMartini]

Another leg, another doggerel,
a brief revisit to Gina's Tour Countdown thread.
Please note: as always, Stewart, if we shadows here offend -- well --
blame Animal for putting the thought into my head.
But as the rest of the world has been so patient,
they too deserve a few crappy verses to be said.

*****

Yo, Stewart! Yes, you, you lazy sod.
It’s time to get off your ass!
The Europeans are waiting.
Pity the pinings they’ve amassed.

As I’ve said, I hope you’ve enjoyed
quality time during your respite.
But truly, Stewart, pity not only Europe
but those poor ladies with whom you cohabit.

By now the long-suffering Fiona
must indeed have had her fill
of hearing about fans and flags and bands
and drums and stadiums and what you will.

There’s really only so much a spouse can take;
many significant others know the score:
when she smilingly nods and agrees with you,
it means she’s not listening anymore.

By now that loving household,
once a scene of domestic bliss,
has likely returned to All Systems Normal,
with the poor dear forced to say such things as this:

“When you’re not here, the girls are calm,
each one as quiet as a mouse!”
“I’m going to burn those nasty headbands
you’ve got strewn around the house.”

“Yes, I know your gong’s a big one.
Now can you please run down to the store?”
“Are your pillaging arms so tired
you can’t pick your socks up off the floor?”

“No, the teapot’s not a tom-tom, and
my fine blue china’s not your ride.”
“Don’t even ask for that for dinner;
Sting put the kibosh on all things fried.”

In addition, think of the children,
that pitter-pattering little crew,
who need new clothes and toys and supplies
as it is almost Back to School.

Which means that homework help will beckon;
they’ll wish to draw wisdom from the fount.
But whether New Math or Old Math –- no matter --
We all know drummers cannot count.

With spelling you’re of no help to them
if even in “Dietmar” you can’t grasp “I before E.”
(I’m giving you a mnemonic gift here, Stewart,
so be ready to use it when you hit Germany.)

Before you fill your kids’ heads with errors
and your wife has you sleeping in the garage,
think of it as only charitable
for you to get the hell out of Dodge.

Time to return to Police Pampering,
where it’s encouraged to lift a finger not a mite.
Nice work if you can get it,
clocking in two whole billable hours each night.

(Now, now, Stewart -- put down the smite.)

One more week, and it’s back to work for you.
Those drums just won’t play themselves.
It’s back to planes and trains and hotel rooms,
sycophants, minions, press, and elves.

Plus there are all those anxious masses
with their eccentric European ways.
The Second Coming’s second coming
arrives in only 6 MORE DAYS!!!

[Hannaha]

LOVE IT DM! You are a literary genius!

[tonydrums]

Killer stuff, DM.

I'd like to be witty and add a verse of my own, but I can't come up with anything that rhymes with "petulant pansy" at the moment.

[samburusunset]

"when she smilingly nods and agrees with you,
it means she’s not listening anymore"

HAHAHAHAHA!

DAMN Kel! I'm sure you've got him laughing his ass off with this one!


Stewart: BUSTED for the Dietmar misspelling! You know you can't slip anything past us!!

[TheEqualizer]

This forum clearly has at least 78% more talent than your average forum.

[Lynne]

Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant. Damn, I wish I could write like that!

[quote="samburusunset"]"when she smilingly nods and agrees with you,
it means she’s not listening anymore"

HAHAHAHAHA!

DAMN Kel! I'm sure you've got him laughing his ass off with this one![/quote]

Me too! 'Cuz that never happens in my house ...

[irishrose1969]

Too funny. I imagine he is probably looking over this thread drinking his morning coffee, and laughing his ass off... Good one. ( Shannon offers her hand for a HIGH FIVE)

Stewart, we wish you the best on your European Leg. Have a blast. WE LOVE YOU!! Be safe, healthy and happy.
Shannon

[tonydrums]

[quote="TheEqualizer"]This forum clearly has at least 78% more talent than your average forum.[/quote]

New SC.net slogan:

SC.net, contains 78% more talent than your average forum.

Kinda catchy, innit?

[Kalypso]

The pick your socks up the floor had me in stitches! (HOW TRUE of any man, let alone The Tube Sock King!)

[Kalypso]

TonyDrums,

Did I ever mention how much I Love That Cymbal????
Why oh Why do I decide to play bass?

[Three over Four]

ROCK AND ROOOOOLLLLL!!! HELLO STOCKHOLM....HEEELLLLOOOO STOCKHOLMMMM!!!

Have fun Stewart, just don't work so hard you spontaneously explode and become nothing more than a little green globule....just a stain really.

[Kalypso]

Hmmm....Maybe that WAS Miles, judging from his bro's sense of humor...

[TheEqualizer]

Look for pics of me and Laz with Stewart's ride up shortly

We know why you took up bass, Kaly: you LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Stingo.

[TheEqualizer]

Just admit it and we can go on.

[DirtyMartini]

[quote="tonydrums"]I'd like to be witty and add a verse of my own, but I can't come up with anything that rhymes with "petulant pansy" at the moment. [/quote]

Tee hee. I can think of an okay slant rhyme. I'll see where I can work it in this week just for you, tonyd.


[quote="samburusunset"]Stewart: BUSTED for the Dietmar misspelling! You know you can't slip anything past us!![/quote]

I must give credit where due: phaty busted SC on that a while back.


As always, thank you, Stewart.
And please don't smite me.