Bran Muffins

[Captain Blood]

They were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though
they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched
their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health,
largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for
the last 2 decades.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation
and their plane unfortunately crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They
reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took
them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a
fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could
be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will
be your home now" The old man asked St. Peter how much all this was
going to cost. Why, nothing," he replied; "remember, this is your reward
in Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship
golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, everyday,
any time of day that you want."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to
exotic desserts, and free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St.
Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well,
where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated
tea?" he asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as
much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or
sick. This is Heaven!"


The old man inquired, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want
to," was the answer.

"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."

"Never again, " said St. Peter. " All you do here is enjoy yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your f-------- bran
muffins. We could have been here twenty years ago!

[Divemistress of the Dark]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal mine?














A flat minor!

(pa dum DUM)(hi hat strike)